Page 35 – Silent Observer
If you haven’t been here in a week, you may notice that the site looks slightly different. I’ve been wanting to change things up for a while, but I tend to revert the changes at the last minute. I’ve also been fiddling with the Character page. But those changes are even more subtle.
I also messed around with my Ko-fi page. I added more artwork and other extras.
(EDIT: I’m going to talk about mental health issues.)
This is the part of my commentary where I sometimes talk about personal things. I… What to say… Daily–DAILY, the thought of cancer always enters my mind. It’s a constant cloud that hangs over me. It feels like a form of PTSD. Somedays, I feel fine and can be productive, and start to feel normal. Other days, I want to stay in bed and… At my last checkup in July, I finally broke down in front of the doctor. I talked about some of this on Twitter, but it’s stuff I’m still struggling with. I was placed on medication for anxiety and depression, but it left me feeling hollow. I also lost all motivation for writing and art. Everything that once kept me going throughout the day had vanished. I was a shell on autopilot. It was terrifying. I didn’t even care if I lived or died. I was good at hiding it, though, and that also frightened me. Here I was, once hoping that medicine would give me an edge over anxiety, but it wasn’t a solution. (I was on Zoloft.) It felt like a “Monkey’s Paw” situation. “I’ll grant your wish to remove your anxiety, but the cost is your creativity and passion for art.” I decided to stop the medication. I go for another checkup in October… *sigh* I have thought about trying CBD oil. *shrug*
(Sorry for all this heavy shit. Sometimes my commentary is like a journal to me.)