Monster Soup

I’ve been in a little “blah” mood for a while, thus my small commentary lately, or lack thereof. It’s difficult for me to talk about personal things, but when it affects my creative life, I guess I should say something. I probably mentioned my issues with anxiety before. It’s something I deal with everyday. But with anxiety I also have bouts of deep depression. When I was dealing with my recent stomach issue, I did talk to my doctor about my anxiety (which involved me sobbing and the inability to speak clearly [talking about this is hard for me]). She prescribed me a medication for anxiety as well as recommendation for counseling. I know I mentioned about my hesitation to take any medication, even Tylenol, so I haven’t even started this new anti-anxiety medication. Another reason I haven’t taken it, the doctor pressed me hard about seeing a therapist, something insurance really doesn’t cover (tends to see it more in the vein of cosmetic issues). Mental health just isn’t seen as important when compared to physical health. And then another bomb landed in my lap–an entire tax return was gobbled up by the US Department of Education. Student loans are no joke, and putting it off doesn’t solve the problem. I wish I was more involved with my financial aid while in college. I had no idea what my mom told me to sign or the ramifications it would have later in life. It wasn’t until after the point-of-no-return, did I learn of all the options I could have used. And moving six times in less than seven years also didn’t help when it came to notifications in the mail. So after a few phone calls and negotiations, I’m getting this debt settled and off my record. It will be nice to actually have a chance to build up some credit. Hell, I can’t even get a Walmart Credit Card! When places say, “Bad credit? No credit? No problem! Even you can be approved!” Nope. Not me. I was never approved. I was turned down for everything. So now I have to figure out a plan to build up my credit when this defaulted loan of mine is cleared. Time to adult-up.

Hmmm. I feel like deleting all of this and replacing it with one line about today’s page. Maybe I could mention the lady’s name. *shrugs* Eh, maybe not.